Sunday, April 27, 2008

When the Going Gets Tough

For most of us changes in our eyesight usually prompt a call to the optometrist or ophthalmologist or other medical professional. If we have a toothache or chipped tooth, most likely we will make an appointment to see a dentist; and if you experience knee, shoulder, or joint pain, like I did last week, you will call an orthopedic specialist posthaste. Most folks, if they're ailing or feeling pain, typically seek some kind of medical treatment.

So why is it when some of us experience emotional pain or psychological trauma, we hesitate to visit a mental health provider? Given all of the strain and stress caused by family obligations, school, our jobs, dealing with difficult people, and unreasonable expectations that we and others place on us, it is no wonder that many of us are “disconnecting” from reality. Sometimes you don’t even know, let alone feel, that you’re under stress because you’re so used to operating at or above 100%. You become immune to the signs and symptoms.

We’re in constant motion. That’s the society we’re living in. We’re constantly meeting deadlines, running the kids around, caring for loved ones, and serving on multiple committees and boards. We spend more time advancing our careers and education than we spend nurturing healthy relationships with our families. And what’s worse, we spend even less time developing a relationship with our Creator, whom all blessings flow. Then what’s leftover we give to ourselves—maybe.

With this kind of imbalance there is no wonder why we feel overwhelmed or under appreciated and choose to disconnect. After giving away so much of ourselves, how can we possibly expect to maintain good mental health?

The Louisiana Weekly on Sunday examined suicide and depression in the black community. According to the Weekly, "Still suffering from the vestiges of slavery and still targets of institutionalized racism and discrimination today, with health and economic disparities in their disfavor in almost all societal categories, blacks are the first group of people who need to seek help for possible mental illness and depression, yet the last ones to get it." Author and Harvard Medical School psychiatrist Alvin Poussaint said blacks "see mental disorder and depression as a sign of personal weakness or moral failure." In the book Lay My Burden Down, Poussaint and co-author Amy Alexander write that blacks downplay issues of depression and mental illness, which can lead to suicide (Jackson, Louisiana Weekly, 4/6).

According to an article in the Beacon Journal, one in five Americans has some type of mental disorder— defined as a change in mood, thought or behavior, causing distress and/or problems in day-to-day functioning. Nationwide, mental illnesses cause a disability rate second only to heart disease, according to a 1999 report by the U.S. Surgeon General.

One way to improve mental health is by talking. Through dialogue people can come together for a mutual exchange of ideas, observations and experiences. Dialogues go beyond the usual interactions between practitioners and recipients of mental health services. They provide a safe environment in which participants may speak freely to create better understanding and mutual trust and respect.

Temporarily disconnecting from the strain and stress of life is a natural response. But how and when you choose to reconnect will determine your success in managing life’s challenges. If you are experiencing any of the problems listed in this post, please seek help. If you don’t have adequate health coverage, there are many ways you can still seek help. Contact a mental health provider in your community.

Here’s a list of resources that may be helpful:

· American Mental Health Counselors Association
· National Mental Health Information Center
· Online Health Resources
· Mental Health America
· Mental Health Organizations by State
· Mental Health Agencies
· Treatment Advocacy Center
· Mental Health Today
· HealthyPlace.com
· The Bright Side

Saturday, April 26, 2008

When Godly Women Disagree . . .

This is what it sounds like when women of God disagree.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Knock Knock

Remember when you were young (I mean really, really young) and use to play childhood games? I can remember spending hours playing Tag, Hide-and-Seek, Red-light/Green-light, Ring Around the Rosey, Kick Ball, Freeze, and Simon Says. Awwwwwwwwwwww. Those were the days. I was part of a group of neighborhood kids who played until we were exhausted, or at least until our Moms called us home. It seemed like we never grew tired. We were like the Energizer Bunny, we kept going and going and going.

Sometimes we'd race our bikes up and down the street or around the corner, or just ride in the driveway. Other times we'd just sit and tell jokes. Of course during play-- especially when the boys would play--the jokes almost always turned silly or into "a game of Yo' Momma."

I never really liked the "yo momma" jokes because it always turned personal and somebody usually ended up with a swollen lip or a black eye. But what I liked most about our childhood games was the "Knock Knock" jokes. Remember those?

Here are some of my favorites:

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I stopped by?
--------------------------------------
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Anita.
Anita who?
Anita damn break!
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sara.
Sara who?
Sara a doctor in the house?
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Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sacha.
Sacha who?
Sacha lot of questions!
----------------------------------------
Knock knock!
Who's there?
May.
May who?
Maybe I'll tell you, maybe I won't!
-----------------------------------------
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Lena.
Lena who?
Lena a little closer and I'll tell you!
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I invite you to tell me your best "Knock Knock" jokes!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Hallmark Greeting

I ran across this beautiful Hallmark greeting and thought I'd post it. The message is geared towards the New Year, but it is a prayer for all seasons. So as the saying goes, "better late than never."

Prayer for the New Year

Give us the kindness to hear with compassion,
to offer support,
loving comfort, and care.
Give us the courage to do what is needed,
the wisdom to choose
what is right and most fair.
Give us he vision to see what is possible.
Give us the faith
that will help pave the way
for a present that's hopeful,
a future that's peaceful --
give us the heart to bring joy to each day.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Catch a Falling Star

One of the coolest things about blogging is having the opportunity to have your thoughts and ideas exposed to hundreds, if not, thousands of people across the globe. All you need is a computer with Internet access and a bit of creative ingenuity, then sit back and enjoy the ride. The reciprocity may be boundless.

Although I'm relatively new to blogging, I'm having a ball using this form of expression. It's like having an electronic diary, but the only difference is that you really don't mind if someone finds your diary, opens it and read it. As a matter of fact, I hope you not only read my blog, but ponder what I'm saying, and share it with others.

Since I've been on blogger.com I've read many wonderful blogs. The interesting thing about blogging is that you never know whose blogging or what they have to say until you log on. There are so many web sites dedicated to blogging that it's virtually impossible not to catch the "blogging bug." That's why I have dedicated this post to bloggers everywhere. I applaud each of you for your diligence in blogging every day, and even those who only post once a month, you deserve an applause, too. Thanks for giving me something to laugh at, seriously ponder, or even frown upon.

Let's support bloggers everywhere and continue to fight for our right to free speech. Please check out these blogs and share them with others.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Oneness in Women in Christ

Today's theme is "Oneness in Women in Christ." What is the focus of a real woman's obedience to God, and how can we support our sisters-in-Christ?

Romans 6:16 says:

"Do you not know that to whom you present yourselves slaves to obey, you are that one's slaves whom you obey, whether of sin leading to death, or of obedience leading to righteousness?"

As women in Christ, our obedience is to the Lord which leads to righteousness. The focus of a real woman's obedience to God is our covenant with Him and to each other as women in Christ.

Who are Women of Covenant?

We are women in agreement, women of God, women of promise, women binding together to obey and do the call of God. We will promote growth to the church as well as encourage and uplift one another in love and compassion. We will be thoughtful women, intercessors, women of joy, women working together in love and unity. We will honor one another as we honor God.

We will lift our pastor and his family up in prayer and be on standby to work when called upon. We will follow the direction of God, and when disagreements come – and you know they will – we will learn (to agree to disagree). We are women of faith, women who know and believe God can and will do what He says in His word.

We are praying women, obedient women, and compassionate women of truth, who will go the extra mile. We will strive to do our best. We will be real women of God.

Saturday, April 12, 2008

What’s New in Black Literature

Why Can't Black People Get Ahead by Gwen Richardson

Standing Tall: A Memoir of Tragedy and Triumph by C. Vivian Wright

A Bound Man: Why We Are Excited About Obama and Why He Can't Win
by Shelby Steele

Incognegro by Mat Johnson

Seen It All and Done the Rest: A Novel
by Pearl Cleage

Three Reasons Why Kwame Kilpatrick Should Quit

1. Driving While Black (DWB) is no longer a defense—especially when you canned Gary A. Brown, head of the Detroit Police Department’s internal affairs, who alleges that he was fired in retaliation for investigating the mayor’s conduct.

2. You are smart enough to pass the Michigan State Bar Exam, but not smart enough to use your own damn cell phone to arrange trysts and send explicit text messages to your mistress, Christine Beatty, who also happens to be a city (former) employee. Instead you both used your government issued cell phones for your adulterous affair and then lied under oath about being “more than friends” Geesh! How dumb is that?

3. To hear Councilwoman and former Motown singer, Martha Reeves, belt out her hit song, Dancing in the Streets, after Kilpatrick announces his resignation.

Old Wounds, New Hurts

Some people say that you can't move forward until you've closed the door on your past. Yeah, I guess I would have to agree with that statement--at least in part. At times, dealing with events and people from my past has certainly kept me from moving forward. For instance, my sister and I have bickered off-and-on for years, ever since we were children. Sometimes her words and actions have cut me to the core and vice versa. There are times when I have confronted her about her stinging tongue and the negative impact of her words. There are also many times when I have remained silent.

Usually, the conversation goes like this: "I was really hurt and offended when you shared personal information about me with someone else, especially when I heard the information repeated back to me by another person. I felt violated and betrayed. Can you tell me why you would violate my trust, and how can I be sure it won't happen again?" Her textbook response: "Well, I didn't mean to cause you any pain or discomfort by sharing your story. I didn't realize how much it meant to you and I am sorry that I violated your trust. In the future when sharing it would help me if you were to say 'Do not repeat this.' "

These types of conversations have gone on for years and always with the same results. I would share personal information, emote, or respectfully disagree with a point or two and without fail, during our next argument my sister would echo my words back to me. She'd throw my past offenses in my face along with any previous discussions or conversations we've ever had, oftentimes repeating them verbatim. You know, after a while a person grows tired of this kind of unhealthy exchange; it doesn't allow for one to have a human moment or freedom of expression without censure. Now looking back I realize that my sister's idea of "private conversations" or healthy debates simply don't match up with mine. Over the years there have been many offenses, confrontations, and indiscretions, and I have weathered them all. I have accepted the fact that we are distinctly different and for a long time I turned the other cheek . . . until this most recent incident.

Years of resentment and hostility surfaced after I took a stand and decided to "disconnect" because I no longer chose to play the role of passive defender. Decades of serving as target practice for my sister's misplaced anger and my semi-silence has worn thin. My level of tolerance has evaporated. While I respect her need for personal expression, I need for her to also respect my privacy. And since it appears that she is unable or unwilling to respect my wishes, I have to redefine our relationship. For some people there is no middle ground, it's either all or nothing. Generally, that has been the case with my sister. So, in order for me to continue my personal growth and move forward, it would appear that I have to close the door on my past.

But can I really close the door on my relationship with my sister? Yes. I think I can. Especially when the relationship is toxic, unhealthy, causes stress, lacks joy, limits growth, and generally displeasing.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Famous Quotes

"The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life." - Muhammad Ali

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." - John Lennon

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, "I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along." . . . You must do the thing you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in life you will have been all of these." -George Washington Carver

"A woman who is convinced that she deserves to accept only the best challenges herself to give the best. Then she is living phenomenally." -Maya Angelou

"I think the reward for conformity is everyone likes you but yourself." -Rita Mae Brown

"The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy." -Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

"Just do it!" -Nike Shoe Company

"Wisdom is supreme; therefore make a full effort to get wisdom. Esteem her and she will exalt you; embrace her and she will honor you." -Proverbs 4:7-8

Sunday, April 6, 2008

Random Thought for Today

Word association. Say the first thing that comes to mind.

Black
America
Equality
Indigenous People
Ship
Chains
Wall Street
George W. Bush
John F. Kennedy
Rosa Parks
Betty Shabazz
Oprah Winfrey
Mother
Father
King
Queen
Postal Worker
Check

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Say it Ain't So

Living in the southern part of the United States can be an interesting experience. For starters, one can never tell what to wear because the weather is so fickle. Rain today, sunshine tomorrow. Cold snap ends on Friday and starts again on Monday. One day my wardrobe consisted of three seasons: a winter coat, a light spring jacket, and a summer frock. All in one day. Totally weird.

But what's even more weird (in a good way) are the people from the South. Well, weird is not the word that I want to use, unique is probably a better word choice. And speaking of words, are you familiar with the language spoken "down south" by many of its inhabitants? Neither was I until I moved here.

Remember the actors Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan in the movie Rush Hour? Chris says to Jackie, "Do you understand the words coming out of my mouth?" And I'm thinking, you gotta be kidding! You're asking a Chinese immigrant if he understand the words coming from your mouth; a high-pitched, screeching southern drawl riddled with split infinitives and dangling modifiers. I don't even understand the words coming out of your mouth, and I was born in America. Chris Tucker was born in Georgia (a southern state) and has the accent to prove it.

Don't get me wrong. I'm not knocking southern accents. I'm just amazed at what comes out of the mouth of some southerners. I'm originally from Chicago but I was raised in the pacific northwest where folks don't have an accent and you really can't tell what region they're from. They call it the "every man's" voice. This is the voice used by broadcast journalists, radio personalities, and advertisers. I've been accused of having this type of voice--and I'm just one generation removed from the south. However, I did study journalism, even if only for two semesters.

Just listen to the local news anchors here in the south and you won't hear their southern accent, especially the one's who were born and raised here. Then listen to some of the folks they interview; you'll definitely know what part of the country you're in.

Here are a few buzz words and phrases to let you know you're probably living in the south or from the south:

1. Fixin' To get set to; be on the verge.
2. Make groceries To buy groceries; grocery shop.
3. What time it is? What time is it?
4. Reckon. To regard or think of as.
5. Sho 'Nuff. Sure enough.
6 That dog won't hunt. The idea or argument won't work.
7. Holler. To yell or shout.
8. Y'all. You all or ye all.
9. Hear tell. A form of "hear it told." Often conveys that the information was passed second- hand.
10. Nearabout. Almost
11. Wongo. Want to go.
12. Mo'. More.
13. I'ma. I am.
14. Dubba wide. Double wide.
15. Sumptin' Teet. Someting to eat.
16. Hoodia. Who do you . . .
17. Liked to. I could have.
18. I ain't never in my life. I have never.
19. Mama ' n em. Family.
20. Mo'. More.