Build Self-Esteem with Love Gifts

I ran across this article by Virginia Reeves and thought I'd post it on my blog-- of course with Ms. Reeves' permission. Hope you enjoy it. I certainly did!

Build Self-Esteem with Love Gifts
© By: Virginia Reeves

Feeling good about yourself enables you to easily treat others well. Practicing the following seven tips will bring more happiness and joy into your life.

1. GIFT OF ACCEPTANCE.
Show those around you that they are loved for what they are, not for what they do or even how much they try to please you. Acceptance builds self-esteem in both you and others. Offer guidance if asked and continually foster independence. Help others find happiness in their own way and you'll find that your level of joy increases as well.

2. GIFT OF SELF-CONFIDENCE.
This means trusting one's own abilities and talents and using them. To be proud of accomplishments and not shy about letting others know about them is another component. The understanding and acceptance that one does not need the approval of others all the time is critical to good mental health and emotional growth.

3. GIFT OF POSSIBILITIES.
Anyone can do anything they want to do - if they're willing to work at it. This means acquiring the needed skills, taking risks, and reaching out.. Give to yourself and your loved ones and friends the gift of freedom to be anything rather than limiting imaginations by labels and rules. Permit everyone to dream and then help in whatever way you can to see the achievement of those dreams. Encourage love of learning and exploration of new ideas. Your influence will encourage you to do the same.

4. GIFT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS.
This support base allows a positive outlook to permeate whatever you do with your life. You learn from both the good and the bad, the happy and sad, the success and the setbacks. Interactions of all types are found, nurtured, and used throughout your life. They aren't always picture-perfect but that's part of teaching you how to develop yourself and the many capabilities you need to build self-esteem.

5. GIFT OF BEING A PERSON WHO HAS A SPARK and appreciation for all of life. Encourage those you care about to be fully alive by taking adventures, finding laughter and fun daily, expressing their creativity, and stretching themselves beyond their personal limits. Model a lifestyle that provides them with a positive guideline.

6. GIFT OF LIFE WITHOUT NEEDLESS WORRIES OR FEARS.
Show others by practicing this way of life demonstrates that you don't just sit around and fret about problems. Rather, you tackle them. Be a doer; you'll be surprised at how others will follow your lead. Not only that, the"problems" may vanish when met head on or realistically pushed aside.

7. GIFT OF ACRONYMS.
Sure, it sounds strange but it gets you thinking. Here's some ideas for the word love.

• Loving Openly, Vivaciously, Enthusiastically
• Liking Offspring Virtually Everyday
• Little Oddities, Very Endearing
• Life Offers Vibrant Energy
• Laughter, Openness, Vitality, Excitement

In addition to giving these gifts to others, remember to give them to yourself as well. Love gifts can be given away any time, to anyone, for the best reason of all, you care. The gifts of acceptance, self-confidence, possibility thinking and action, problem solving, and the supreme gift of finding happiness in the challenge of living comes from self-esteem love gifts. Give them freely, willingly, and with affection.

Riddle Me This

What do you get when you cross free online games with modern popular culture? One amazing web site called Riddler.com. This great web site offers tons of free online games that you can play right in your browser: puzzles, trivia, arcade, sports, word games and more. It's all FREE and you can play online, so you never need to install any programs on your computer. From a quick, casual game to engaging multi-player tournaments.

Enjoy!

Incremental Love

One of my New Year's commitments is to love without fear and be more grateful, giving thanks for everything. But making a conscious choice to love without fear actually has given rise to my own fear--rejection. You see, when you spend three quarters of your life like I have trying to rebound from a paradoxical family, one of two things usually occur: 1) short- or long-term emotional damage and/or 2) a fixation with the idea of fixing people, situations or things. In my case, I suffered from both, short-term emotional damage and the need to fix others. And to top it off, I was also a people pleaser. A trifecta!

I'm sure you know people like me, and in some cases you may even be married to or living with or even working beside my separated at birth twin. Just kidding. But it's nice to know that I'm not in this alone. Back to the subject. You know those people who always seem uncomfortable unless every body's happy? Or the consensus builder? How about the person who seems unaffected by others' opinions but who secretly wants acceptance? Well, that was me. Guilty on all three counts.

All of my life I have struggled quietly and at times not so quietly with rejection. Because of this fear I've only managed to have superficial relationships. A wall had been carefully constructed around my emotions to avoid being hurt, and it seemed like I was incapable of loving without fear. Fear of what, though? After a series of failed relationships, I was forced to examine my behavior. I did a Sigmund Freud maneuver and psycho-analyzed my actions toward those whom I desired to have a close relationship. And let me tell you, the analysis revealed some deep-rooted fears. My fears went all the way back to the womb. Well, not literally, but it was rooted in my childhood---my very dysfunctional childhood.

During my self-discovery I got in touch with my wounded inner child; the child who felt abandoned and unloved by her mother because of her inability to nurture due to a mental impairment. As much as I loved my father, I resented him because he was physically present but emotionally absent. Praise, compliments, and encouragement were foreign to my parents, so at an early age I learned that love was conditional. If I worked hard around the house or at school, my father would occasionally say "Good job. I'm proud of you." What I took away from those moments was that in order to gain my father's love I had to earn or work for it. This behavior, unfortunately, stayed with me into my adult years.

So you can imagine when I entered adulthood and started dating, my view on love was very skewed. In my relationships I found myself mimicking similar patterns from childhood. I would try to please my partner through constant praise, compliments, and encouragement. And since I didn't have a personal cheerleader or life coach, I was determined to be his best friend, encourager, accountant, social worker, banker, job counselor, mother, and fill in the blank. You name it and I was going to be it, just as long as I had his attention.

It wasn't until about eight years ago that I found my way out of darkness and into the light. After my father passed away in 1997, I gradually began to assess my life and how my unhealthy emotions were clouding my vision. I started to eliminate toxic people and rid myself of toxic thoughts. I slowly began building new friendships and nurturing old ones, all the while drawing strength from my renewed relationship with Jesus Christ. Even though I still make a few relationship blunders, it's nothing compared to what I once entertained. That's growth.

I have learned to accept me as I am and for who I wish to become. My love for others is incremental and increasing each day. So on this third day of the New Year, I remain committed to loving without fear. I am so very grateful that God has purposed within me to experience the true meaning of love.

Great Expectations for 2008!

Well, folks, it looks like we made it through 2007 and into the new year. That's something to be grateful for, isn't it? And like millions of Americans, I, too, am shaking off the old year and putting on new garments for 2008. Ain't it grand? Just think, the Lord has afforded you another day to breathe, walk, talk, see, taste, hear and share the goodness of His son, Jesus Christ. We have freedom of our limbs, free thoughts, and free will. This is a beautiful life.

I am excited about having another chance to serve our Lord in 2008. Last night I talked to a friend and we reminisced about the past year, we talked about what we did and didn't accomplish in 2007, and the beauty of second chances. Three hundred and sixty-five days to get it right, to complete our "To Do List", and to think about new beginnings and second chances.

I have committed to reading one scripture a day and with some effort maybe I'll end up reading the bible in one year. It's all semantics, but I prefer not to use the word resolutions. I like to call them commitments or affirmations--somehow it sounds better when I say "I commit to saving 10% of my income each month," rather than "I resolve to spend less and save more!"

Any great expectations for 2008?

Question: What's on your "To Do List" for the New Year?